I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
