This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
