i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
