I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
