My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
