she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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