Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
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