Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
