Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
You're a waste of cheezeits
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
