I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
