so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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