Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
