We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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