Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Randomize
