I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
