i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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