Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
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