i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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