You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
pray to the hookup gods
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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