"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
