WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
