True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
