i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
