i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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