real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
