Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
