Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
