Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
And then the night went full on bisexual.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
