We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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