can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
