so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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