Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
