Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
people are starting to question the shark bite story
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.