I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
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I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
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And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.