I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
If You’re Hot, It’s Easier For You To Do These 27 Things
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book