we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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