i jhust puked up my retainher.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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