girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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