Its about making memories worth repressing
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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