i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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