i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
