its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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