insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
