Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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