Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
