I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
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