I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
