I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
