Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize
