so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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