She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Watching her eat just hurts me
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
