I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
