Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
