We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
