i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
