Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
