I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Randomize
