Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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