fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
