dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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