Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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