just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
