Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
