I got chris browned last night
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
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