my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
