No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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