Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
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Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
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No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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