3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
