Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Randomize
