Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Randomize
