You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
