Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
