apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
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