Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
