I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
