I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
