zippers are such a cool invention
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
