Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
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