what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
