So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
