small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
