Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
